


Eyes Like the Sky

by Estalfaed



Series: A Galaxy on Fire [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Horizon (Mass Effect), Light Angst, M/M, Mass Effect 2, Memories, Shepard Siblings, Shepard Twins, kaidan POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-01 08:57:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10185665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estalfaed/pseuds/Estalfaed
Summary: Kaidan Alenko, Staff Commander of the Alliance was helpless. Helpless to stop the abduction of the colonists and helpless to stop the direction of his thoughts. He was stuck in a moment, eyes trained towards a blue sky.





	1. Horizon

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reflection or parallel of my other work of the same title, pretty much the same story except its Mshenko instead of Fshenko. Obviously with some edited bits. Hope you enjoy it.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

He was thinking of blue eyes. Blue like the sky above him. He was thinking of running hands through tight hair, dark, course to the touch. He was thinking of stolen moments aboard a ship two years gone and the man who had held his heart.

What else could he be thinking of, stuck as he was, unable to move, unable to do anything. He was staring at the sky, a crystalline blue, like Shepard's eyes. There was irony in the picturesque view. A perfect day, not a cloud to be seen, sun shining its warmth, a giant alien ship looming over them all. Swarms of giant beetles floating along the gentle breeze. The smell of burning, the sounds of people screaming and the buzzing and clicking of insects.

All he could think of was him, of Shepard. Of eyes that pierced through Kaidan's defenses, of lips that invited and tempted his own. He was thinking of a man two years gone while the colony went to hell around him.

Kaidan Alenko, Staff Commander of the Alliance was helpless. Helpless to stop the abduction of the colonists, helpless to stop the direction of his thoughts. When they were alone together in Shepard’s cabin the marble statue that was Commander Shepard became human again. He would no longer be _Commander_ , but John, just _his_ John. When Kaidan could take John in his arms, bury his face in his neck and breathe him in, an earthy and spicy scent that was definitely not Alliance regulation soap.

He flashed his biotics, suffusing himself in its glow, the smell of ozone briefly overpowering everything else. His heart rate increased, his blood pumped. He was flushing the toxin out of his system, Biotic metabolism burning it up. Or that was the hope. It was that or he'd have one hell of a migraine before he...what, died? Was abducted?

The invaders had just left him, walked right on by and collected the others. He had felt the rising panic when they first approached, his gun trained at the enemy and unable to pull the trigger. He had flashed his biotics, uselessly, unable to form even a simple barrier. They ignored him and he had felt shame in that. Being ignored. Couldn't protect the colonists on Horizon, couldn't protect himself and he couldn't protect Shepard.

He flashed his biotics again, willed his body to move, screamed it in his mind and felt his fingers twitch. He took a shallow breath, the best he could manage at the moment, body as it was. He felt the sweat bead on his forehead, drip uncomfortabley into the creases of his armor at his neck.

He could hear gunfire now, sometimes it would sound close, often times far into the distance and still he could not move, could not pull himself away from thoughts of Shepard. Thoughts of his skin, soft and silky smooth. Trailing his fingers along the grooves of his abs, amazed at how it could feel so different from when he would hold his hand, all tough and calloused. He would trace circles along his arms and place soft kisses between Shepard's shoulder blades, feel him shudder as their tongues met and explored. The way those blue eyes would look at him, pupils dilated, blown from pleasure, full of so much warmth...maybe even love.

He would marvel at how they could be so full and warm when he'd seen those same eyes cold, hard, like chipped ice, a raging storm.

Once again he flashed his biotics, as distraction from the ghost of the man two years dead.

He haunted him still. No matter how hard he tried to move on, no matter how much he mourned, Shepard’s ghost would not let him rest. And if on the really bad nights, when the memories hurt more than he could bear, when he'd had a few too many whiskeys and Few too many lagers, if he thought about joining him in the embrace of oblivion, well, he always managed to pull himself back.

He could breath easier now, take deeper breaths, ribs and abdomen expanding to accommodate the pressure. He felt the the GARDIAN turret start firing before he heard it, the deep rumbling rocking through his body and then the sound wave  itself reaching his ears seconds later. And just like that he could move again, blessed relief as aching muscles were finally free once more. The turret was still firing, gunshots accompanying it. He took a few tentative steps forward and then he was off, sprinting towards the action, rifle tucked tightly in his arms.

He took cover behind a few crates to assess the situation. Husk corpses littered the area with the occasional hulking _something else_ sprinkled in. A few Collector troops were still fighting but were quickly taken care of by a bald woman, covered in tattoos and the telltale glow of biotics. Her technique was sloppy but damn she was powerful.

The turret fired uselessly at the monstrous ship as it left the atmosphere, fleeing with the colonists. He pushed away the guilt that threatened to crush him. Later, when he was alone, maybe with a bottle of whiskey, he would let himself feel it. Mourn those who were lost. His eyes followed as...Delan rushed out from a bunker, shouting at the sky, hands raised as if he could physically pull the ship, and the colonists, back.

And then all the air rushed from his lungs, his focus stuck on a pair of impossibly blue eyes. He felt it rush back, overwhelm him. Stolen kisses in dark corners of the SR-1, breathless laughter, muffled by tongue and lips. Hands clumsy with nervous energy, fumbling to undress Shepard in between desperate kisses. Making plans to visit Vancouver and the family orchard on their next shore leave. Sending his mother a letter, begging her to be on her best behavior when they visited. Watching a coffin being lowered into the ground, empty, taps playing as a twenty-one gun salute cracked loudly. Going through bottle after bottle, searching for answers when there were none.

He stepped forward. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost."

He didn't listen to the Delan's reply, just stared into impossibly blue eyes. They were filled with apprehension, uncertainty. The eyes were the same but the face was all wrong. Everything about this moment was wrong. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to scream, he wanted to break down and weep, feeling the loss and pain all over again.

Instead he chokes out a simple name.

"Jane."

John's twin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting and leaving kudos! I love it!  
> I was brought here by Tumblr, so if you have one and like my work or my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/estalfaed) page, give me a follow. Cheers!  
> 


	2. The Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You could see him again. Kaidan...he could come back to us. Isn't that worth it?" Her voice broke at the end. It was a side she never showed. This vulnerable, fragile person, always hidden behind a stern face. Her eyes were pleading and it gave Kaidan pause, his heart pounding. 
> 
> What if it was true? What if he could get John back? To hold him in his arms, to hear his voice, to feel his warmth. Oh it was tempting, to believe it was possible. But John was dead. Blown to hell when the Normandy went down, the remains left to burn in atmo as they drifted planet side. No. John was gone and never coming back. Cerberus only offered lies and deceit.

\---------------------------------

 

"Jane...."

He struggled to breath. He struggled to stifle the grief, the anguish and the shock. She stood there, uncertain, gun still held loosely in her arms, as if unsure of his intent. Covered in battered and blood stained plate, the N7 on her breast visible beneath the grime. Her dark hair was held back in a loose braid, the end trailing just below her shoulder blades.

Jane Shepard. Twin to John Shepard. She was the second Human Spectre and the Butcher of Torfan. Her enemies rightly feared her wrath, her steely resolve. Her presence here brought Kaidan no comfort.

He flicked his gaze between her three companions. One he recognized, the grizzled Turian looked worse for wear, a scar pulling across his face looked recent. What Garrus was doing here, with Jane, was beyond him, neither really caring for the others company.

The second was a woman he didn't know, beautiful, if a little, ok a lot, underdressed for a firefight. That suit was skin tight and couldn't provide much protection. Her dark hair was wavy and perfect, her white one piece pristine as if she hadn't been through the killing field.

The third he recognized as the biotic, again, completely underdressed for a battle field, dressed in jeans, a croptop and leather vest. Her bald head and most of the rest of her were covered in tattoos. She glowered at him and clutched her shotgun tightly, finger dancing along the trigger as if itching for a reason to fire.

The silence stretched between the two of them, Kaidan and the other Shepard, until it became heavy, unbearable. Someone had to break it.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. It came out close to a croak, hoarse and muted. The look he got in return was one of barely contained annoyance. Jane gestured broadly.

"Why the fuck do you think Kaidan? The giant bloody Collector ship? Just maybe?" She let out a disgusted snort and shook her head.

"Actually that is only partly true Shepard." A pristine singsong voice with a British accent filled the awkward silence, it came from the woman in the tight one piece. "While saving the colony from the Collectors was the main objective, you Commander Alenko were the secondary. Cerberus has need for a man of your capabilities."

Kaidan felt a chill fill slink down his spine, eyes just now noticing the small symbol on the woman's suit.

"You didn't tell me this was a recruitment mission Miranda. No way in hell Mr. Boyscout here would work for Cerberus."

He turned towards Shepard but ended up directing his question to Garrus. "You're working for Cerberus? Garrus, really? Why the hell...?"

"Its for Shepard Kaidan." His voice rang with the multiple tones Turians were known for, the sub harmonics dancing with the twitching of his mandibles. His body was tense, uncomfortable, he glances quickly at Jane and holds up a placating hand. "For John."

His heart was pounding and he felt the telltale pressure of an oncoming migraine as he tried to process those words. "What do you mean, for John. John's de...he's dead." He rubbed his temples, trying to beat back the dull pulsing, knowing it was a battle already lost.

"They have him Kaidan." Jane gestured to Miranda. "Cerberus has his body and are bringing him back." Her voice held an uncharacteristic vulnerability to it, blue eyes clouded over, trained at her feet.

Miranda took that as her cue to talk as she shot an annoyed look Janes way. "Project Lazarus. Cerberus has invested an exorbitant amount of resources to bring John Shepard back from death."

"Why? John hated Cerberus. We spent so much time hunting down your bases and stopping the horrible experiments being conducted." He looked at Jane and then at Garrus. "You both know the horrors they unleashed! How the hell can you work for them? How can you believe that they can bring him back from the dead?!" He was shouting, his breathing coming in heavy and labored. Fury and disbelief filled his being. "You can't trust Cerberus!"

"We have a vested interest in John Shepard. In both Shepards. John will be needed to face the Collectors and inevitably the Reapers. Victory depends on his successful resurrection." Miranda's words were clipped and cold. "We are just missing one key component to project Lazarus."

"Oh? And that is?"

"That would be you Kaidan."

He let out a disbelieving laugh. It was ludicrous. Every fucking word, a joke. He trained his rifle upon the Cerberus operative, fury clouding his thoughts. "Give me one reason I shouldn't put you down."

Jane answered this time, softly. "You could see him again. Kaidan...he could come back to us. Isn't that worth it?" Her voice broke at the end. It was a side she never showed. This vulnerable, fragile person, always hidden behind a stern face. Her eyes were pleading and it gave Kaidan pause, his heart pounding. What if it was true? What if he could get John back? To hold him in his arms, to hear his voice, to feel his warmth. Oh it was tempting, to believe it was possible. But John was dead. Blown to hell when the Normandy went down, the remains left to burn in atmo as they drifted planet side. No. John was gone and never coming back. Cerberus only offered lies and deceit.

"You're falling for it hook line and sinker Jane. No one can bring back the dead. He's gone and their using your love and grief for him to do their bidding. You're just a puppet."

"So you'll just walk away? Throw away a chance to see John Shepard again? To help him live again? Commander Alenko, I highly suggest you reconsider..."

"I'll never work for Cerberus." He shouted, Miranda flinched. "I know where my loyalties lie, I'm an Alliance soldier through and through."

"So that's your answer then?" She asked, voice full of scorn.

"Yeah."

"A pity." She put her hand to her ear and smiled. "Take the shot."

Jane whipped her head towards Miranda, eyes wide. Kaidan attempted to raise a barrier but felt a burning pain in his neck before he even got close. A numbness flowed through him, everything feeling so damn heavy. He dropped his rifle and sank to his knees, breathing labored.

"What the hell Miranda?!" Jane screamed. His eyes were heavy and he struggled to keep them open. He heard the thud of hitting the ground, head bouncing dully. He tried to raise a shaking hand to his neck but failed. "You shot him. You fucking shot Kaidan."

It all faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting and leaving kudos! I love it!  
> I was brought here by Tumblr, so if you have one and like my work or my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/estalfaed) page, give me a follow. Cheers!  
> 


End file.
